Awesome. That's all I can say. ;)
26 September 2017
We all NEED somebody, to lean on
Someone at dinner tonight was complaining about Rin always leaning on people. That was all it took for an impromptu, full voice duet of 'Lean on Me' by Brandon and I.
Awesome. That's all I can say. ;)
Awesome. That's all I can say. ;)
10 September 2017
8/7/2017-9/7/2017
This has probably been the heaviest month in my memory. It felt like every few days there was something else...seeing loss and struggle and pain for so many people that I am close to. And sometimes for me. It's shaken me a bit.
Milla has a pretty tight regimen this semester. Mon-Thurs she leaves the house between 6 and 7 in the morning, drives to the train, takes the train to school, returns to her car and drives the 2 minutes to work. Works for 5 hours, gets home at 5, eats, homework, sleeps, repeats. But on Friday she gets to do what she loves all day. She gets to draw. Her class is from 9-3:15. Yesterday she told me that their assignment was to draw the negative space of something. Not to draw an object and the scene around it and then ERASE the object (as apparently many were doing), but to be able to see and draw only what you don't normally see.
I was thinking about this when I read in the scriptures this morning. 2 Nephi 2:25 'Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy'. Typically when I hear this oft quoted verse, what I hear is the last sentiment 'Men are, that they might have joy'. And I've tried really hard in the past few years to focus on the joy and choose happy. Because when it comes down to it, I just want to be happy. I want to feel love and joy. But I have so much 'not happy' that I am constantly trying to process and get rid of. Struggles of my own, in my family, in the world and then the added weight I felt during my three years as RS president counseling with the sisters. It all just swirled around and more and more I found I couldn't lock it away and just find happy. This stress has more quickly brimmed to the surface and overflowed as tears as of late and I've found myself questioning more and finding less answers.
When I read 2 Nephi 2 though, I thought of Milla's assignment to acknowledge and appreciate the negative space. Instead of just seeking and hoping for the 'joy' part, I honed in on the words 'Adam fell that men might be'. The falling and the struggle and the pain are essential components to finding that joy. Vs 11 talks of opposition and that 'all things must needs be a compound in one'. Maybe I shouldn't be locking away the pain so much as acknowledging it as necessary in my path to finding joy. It's not a deterrent to my joy. It adds to my empathy and compassion and patience and love for others as well as for myself.
I was never into the 'some day it will all be worth it' mantra. 'Some day' is too far away for me to see love and joy. But I think maybe I don't need to wait.
"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around." -Hugh Grant in Love Actually
Milla has a pretty tight regimen this semester. Mon-Thurs she leaves the house between 6 and 7 in the morning, drives to the train, takes the train to school, returns to her car and drives the 2 minutes to work. Works for 5 hours, gets home at 5, eats, homework, sleeps, repeats. But on Friday she gets to do what she loves all day. She gets to draw. Her class is from 9-3:15. Yesterday she told me that their assignment was to draw the negative space of something. Not to draw an object and the scene around it and then ERASE the object (as apparently many were doing), but to be able to see and draw only what you don't normally see.
I was thinking about this when I read in the scriptures this morning. 2 Nephi 2:25 'Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy'. Typically when I hear this oft quoted verse, what I hear is the last sentiment 'Men are, that they might have joy'. And I've tried really hard in the past few years to focus on the joy and choose happy. Because when it comes down to it, I just want to be happy. I want to feel love and joy. But I have so much 'not happy' that I am constantly trying to process and get rid of. Struggles of my own, in my family, in the world and then the added weight I felt during my three years as RS president counseling with the sisters. It all just swirled around and more and more I found I couldn't lock it away and just find happy. This stress has more quickly brimmed to the surface and overflowed as tears as of late and I've found myself questioning more and finding less answers.
When I read 2 Nephi 2 though, I thought of Milla's assignment to acknowledge and appreciate the negative space. Instead of just seeking and hoping for the 'joy' part, I honed in on the words 'Adam fell that men might be'. The falling and the struggle and the pain are essential components to finding that joy. Vs 11 talks of opposition and that 'all things must needs be a compound in one'. Maybe I shouldn't be locking away the pain so much as acknowledging it as necessary in my path to finding joy. It's not a deterrent to my joy. It adds to my empathy and compassion and patience and love for others as well as for myself.
I was never into the 'some day it will all be worth it' mantra. 'Some day' is too far away for me to see love and joy. But I think maybe I don't need to wait.
"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around." -Hugh Grant in Love Actually
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